To be honest, I don't like talking about my problems. I don't the idea of having people listen to my sad sob while they have their own tears to shed. Why add that stress to someone else, right? So, that's why I blog.. I only say this so that you understand that I'm generally not a selfish, whiny bitch (which is the way I feel like I come off sometimes).. but today, however, I'm gonna be a whiner..
So, I broke my leg on Monday. 3 days of needing crutches kinda sucks, not gonna lie. I'm pretty lonely.. No, that's an understatement.. I'm extremely lonely and, not to mention, really stressed out..
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
What I Feel is Necessary
This is the gold at the end of the rainbow,
a letter in a time capsule,
a sword in a stone.
The symbolism..
It entails some of my most personal thoughts;
my questions,
my beliefs,
my soul.
I take no regard to whose eyes and curiosity wander to my words, though it is open for viewing. It would be fulfilling my values if my friends had the chance to read this, though I know they probably won't find this. Regardless, thanks to free will and the wonders of the internet, it will still be here.. So will everything else..
My mind gets so filled up with things, things that I know most people would not take kindly of. Only now, however, do I not give a shit.. Aaah! The beauty of writing.
Every word holds parts of my soul.
It's beautiful..
Life, and everything in it, is beautiful...
**It reminds me of the beginning scene in "Loving Annabelle" when the car drives up to the big catholic school for girls, and the rebel steps out: This reminds me of my exposition.**
- I'm no fashionista, nor do I keep up to date with the latest trends, but I pick out shit I like, collaborate, and incorporate myself into every outfit to make it work. Then again, isn't that every other girl's way of doing it?..
- However, I've never been very girly. In fact, I always remember being Ken instead of barbie, getting dirty instead of looking nice, being more interested in being outside with my dad instead of potentially playing dress up with my mom.
- Psychologists would observe this and tell me that the reason I'm not straight is because of the previous statement. In fact, I'm seeing this amazing girl, and I like where things are going with us.. I honestly couldn't be happier with her..
- I'm a very family-oriented person. If I don't go home at least once every 2 weeks, my folks shit a chicken. That's how close were are; We're more like friends/room-mates. When the previous topic is brought up, however, my family worries about me only because the possibility of having grandkids just went down the shitter.. Now my extended family, on the other hand.. It reminds me of being in a stereotypical mafia (Even in physical appearance and the fact that most of their last names is Buzzell, ha!), or better yet, the Capulet side (Romeo and Juliet). My dad's side can be the Montagues. That explains my family in a nutshell.
- Or maybe my perception is off.. It's something I always think about, perception. To imagine that there are more than 6 billion different perceptions circulating, 6 billion different brains and it all can be transferred through communication to have even more perceptions than you thought possible. The idea that there is so much knowledge out there. It excites me!
- Stimulation excites me. Thrills, adventures, stunts, sports, etc.. The physicality of the body amazes me because we are more capable than we think, and to exert yourself to your greatest level, getting to the greatest challenge; it sounds totally awesome!!
- I don't like taking the easy way in anything; I like a good challenge. Above all, I like that feeling when you know you've pushed yourself to the top, didn't the unpredictable, the seeming unbelievable..
- If you haven't noticed, I sound pretty motivated, don't I? Well, most of the time, I really am motivated. Reasoning behind that motivation, however, is like comparing it to a shit-eating grin. It's my shield in communication..
- I like what I can do when I'm motivated (and high).
I can create beautiful things,
I can understand philosophical and parapsychological things,
I feel more like myself,
I feel complete..
- In spontaneity: The only way I live
- Music at maximum volume: Mandatory
- Hanging with friends: Always. They're like my oxygen
- My 6 C's: Cars, Coffee, Caffeine, Cigarettes, Champagne, Chinese
- Nature: My best friend
- Religion: *Unitarian Universalist
-with Daoist/Alchemy/Wiccan/Naturist beliefs
- Inspirations (besides my friends): The 60's, Europe, the stories my parents tell, my grandpa, music, movies, nature, fine art, Quentin Tarantino, John Wayne, George Carlin, Jimi Hendrix, No Doubt, Zoe Bell, difference, her..
- The road is long and hard (but not full of semen.. SICKOS!), but it's all in the matter of how you get through it. I believe some of the things I've been through were definitely not ordinary, but they shaped the type of person I am, and I couldn't be more proud of that..
In fact, I couldn't be more proud of how far I've come and made it this far.. I guess never thought of that until now... Wow, it really is like finding gold at the end of a rainbow..
a letter in a time capsule,
a sword in a stone.
The symbolism..
It entails some of my most personal thoughts;
my questions,
my beliefs,
my soul.
I take no regard to whose eyes and curiosity wander to my words, though it is open for viewing. It would be fulfilling my values if my friends had the chance to read this, though I know they probably won't find this. Regardless, thanks to free will and the wonders of the internet, it will still be here.. So will everything else..
My mind gets so filled up with things, things that I know most people would not take kindly of. Only now, however, do I not give a shit.. Aaah! The beauty of writing.
Every word holds parts of my soul.
It's beautiful..
Life, and everything in it, is beautiful...
**It reminds me of the beginning scene in "Loving Annabelle" when the car drives up to the big catholic school for girls, and the rebel steps out: This reminds me of my exposition.**
- I'm no fashionista, nor do I keep up to date with the latest trends, but I pick out shit I like, collaborate, and incorporate myself into every outfit to make it work. Then again, isn't that every other girl's way of doing it?..
- However, I've never been very girly. In fact, I always remember being Ken instead of barbie, getting dirty instead of looking nice, being more interested in being outside with my dad instead of potentially playing dress up with my mom.
- Psychologists would observe this and tell me that the reason I'm not straight is because of the previous statement. In fact, I'm seeing this amazing girl, and I like where things are going with us.. I honestly couldn't be happier with her..
- I'm a very family-oriented person. If I don't go home at least once every 2 weeks, my folks shit a chicken. That's how close were are; We're more like friends/room-mates. When the previous topic is brought up, however, my family worries about me only because the possibility of having grandkids just went down the shitter.. Now my extended family, on the other hand.. It reminds me of being in a stereotypical mafia (Even in physical appearance and the fact that most of their last names is Buzzell, ha!), or better yet, the Capulet side (Romeo and Juliet). My dad's side can be the Montagues. That explains my family in a nutshell.
- Or maybe my perception is off.. It's something I always think about, perception. To imagine that there are more than 6 billion different perceptions circulating, 6 billion different brains and it all can be transferred through communication to have even more perceptions than you thought possible. The idea that there is so much knowledge out there. It excites me!
- Stimulation excites me. Thrills, adventures, stunts, sports, etc.. The physicality of the body amazes me because we are more capable than we think, and to exert yourself to your greatest level, getting to the greatest challenge; it sounds totally awesome!!
- I don't like taking the easy way in anything; I like a good challenge. Above all, I like that feeling when you know you've pushed yourself to the top, didn't the unpredictable, the seeming unbelievable..
- If you haven't noticed, I sound pretty motivated, don't I? Well, most of the time, I really am motivated. Reasoning behind that motivation, however, is like comparing it to a shit-eating grin. It's my shield in communication..
- I like what I can do when I'm motivated (and high).
I can create beautiful things,
I can understand philosophical and parapsychological things,
I feel more like myself,
I feel complete..
- In spontaneity: The only way I live
- Music at maximum volume: Mandatory
- Hanging with friends: Always. They're like my oxygen
- My 6 C's: Cars, Coffee, Caffeine, Cigarettes, Champagne, Chinese
- Nature: My best friend
- Religion: *Unitarian Universalist
-with Daoist/Alchemy/Wiccan/Naturist beliefs
- Inspirations (besides my friends): The 60's, Europe, the stories my parents tell, my grandpa, music, movies, nature, fine art, Quentin Tarantino, John Wayne, George Carlin, Jimi Hendrix, No Doubt, Zoe Bell, difference, her..
- The road is long and hard (but not full of semen.. SICKOS!), but it's all in the matter of how you get through it. I believe some of the things I've been through were definitely not ordinary, but they shaped the type of person I am, and I couldn't be more proud of that..
In fact, I couldn't be more proud of how far I've come and made it this far.. I guess never thought of that until now... Wow, it really is like finding gold at the end of a rainbow..